"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." ~ Henry David Thoreau
It was one of the first loans I closed. A "Yellow Page" lead came a calling and I was there to answer. The gentlemen on the other line was looking to buy his Mother's home. We hit it off, more than just a day to day client/consumer connection. I'll always be thankful for that.
A few months back, he called me wanting to refinance his home. He was looking to get a bit of cash-out and lower his interest rate. We were just about clear to close (the three magic words in the Mortgage Biz) and I had left him a message on his cell phone. I didn't hear back for about a week. That was unlike him. So, being the persistent chap that I can be, I called again. He answered this time. He told me that he just found out that he had three months to live.
I must admit that I didn't quite know what to say. No encouraging words or enlightening thoughts were conveyed from my lips to his ear. I was comfortably dumb at that moment in time.
This past Friday I called his cell phone just to see how he was doing. It was disconnected. So, I called his home phone. His wife got on the line and I asked how he was doing. "Sweetheart, he died Tuesday," she said.
I also found out earlier this week that a close friend of one my best friends passed away at a very young age. That kind of stuff tends to make one think or re-think this here life.
Death, to my knowledge, is inevitable. I'm cool with that. But how many reminders, constant reminders, do I need... to live every damn moment with every scope of my being? Shoot, there's a lot that goes into this existence (family, finances, friends, imperfections, etc), yet I hope not that I learned from this one... but I actually live what I learned.
Life is precious and is the only thing all of us are experiencing together until the inevitable happens. I have no need or desire to go "Tony Robbins" on anybody's posterior, but my own. For me, tears wield a vicious sword of truth. The truth is, I want to make every moment count. I just need to make sure that my written words are actually lived, rather than a false document of my life.
Jason, situations like this are indeed reminders to us all to experience the most out of life. In recent weeks, I had a very close friend pass away after a long battle with cancer. Then this past week, a colleague at my brokerage died -- he'd gone missing while kayaking on the Potomac River a week ago, and they just found his body today. Sad reminders of the brevity and fragility of life.
On another note, I'm not a big fan of Thoreau. Perhaps from my boredom with the book Walden Pond in my youth. My English teacher always told me that I should re-read the book in my thirties, but I'm not sure that I'm up for that these days. However, when I lived up in the Boston area, I did visit Walden Pond and saw where Thoreau spent his many days in solitude.
Keep your chin up, pal!
Beautifully done Jason. I struggle with this, balancing my need to be happy against the needs of my family and I can honestly say I do not live every day like it's my last. A lot of days are spent just getting through them. I have many happy moments, because I look for them and appreciate them. I'm so sorry for the loss of a client/friend. So sad. You did a beautiful job writing this my friend. xxoo
Jason,
You make me proud!
Thoreau, is my all time favorite useless person. Transcendentalism taught me a lot, it tempered me and allowed a more compassionate understanding of life.
"I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest term" HDT
A hunter, camper, woodsman, fisherman, from an early age the idea of an escape to my own Walden Pound seemed very attractive as the World went crazy around me in the mid 60's.I'm sorry about your client and your friend.
Bill
Hi Jason, It is always a sad time when one has to deal with what life will thrust upon us whether we are ready for it or not. You have a good spirit Jason and a kind heart and it always difficult to deal with these inevitabilities. Even as we say those words, they slip off the tongue as though they were surely only meant for others and not us. I always wondered why the best times in out life seem to disappear so quickly and the simple inconvenient pains seem to last endlessly. In truth, neither of those statements are exactly true, I think it comes to what we will accept of our own lives and what we cast off too quickly as frivolous because it felt good. I think writing these things down in web log is a good thing because it anchors the value of these people and realtionships firmly in your heart and soul where they rightfully belong.
Jason - So sad to hear about your friend. Life is short and for most of us, when don't know when our time is up. We just need to learn to take the good with the bad. Personally, events like this make me appreciate life so much more. Sad that is takes sadness to realize who happy we really are.
Jason, it is so hard to wrap ones brain around this stuff. I was thinking the other day how distressing it is to know that if I knew I had three weeks to live I would spend a week of that (give or take) sleeping! AAAARRRGGGHHHH!
Jason - I'm sorry for the loss of your friend/client. Sometimes we get smacked with the unexpected. But you two found each other and hit it off - that's more than a bunch of folks can say.
As for Thoreau .......... if you ever get the chance to visit Walden Pond I urge you to do so. Once you stand on the site where Thoreau's cabin stood ............ you won't ever see the world the same way again. It's actually quite magical. At least it always was to me.
Jason... so sorry about your previous client and the loss of your friend. Yes, life is precious and I think many of us don't dwell on this enough. I took time out today to hang out with my nieces and nephews for the whole day. In any case, again, sorry for your losses.
Jason, you are getting wise in your years. We don't get it perfect every day but the trick is getting back up off the mat and trying to get it right the next time. Terminally ill patients don't hear a clock as tick-tick-tick but precious-precious-precious. Sorry to hear of the loss of your client and friend.
Lil Bro....it's what we do in between that matters. It really is an awakening.....a reminder....to live life to the fullest. So much wasted energy on needless worries.... go skating :)
Hi Jason-I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. That is why we must live everyday to the fullest. Take care of yourself my friend.
My friend, you know know how I felt when I ran in to a friend from high school in the same exact situation. We don't know how long we got, so we better spend our time having fun and loving life.
I'm sorry for your lose my friend, virtual hug!
Jason, Just when we think we're going along great, something like this smacks you in the face and reminds you that life is indeed short. Grieving is as much a part of life as laughing is. I'm hoping you'll be laughing again soon!
Hi Jason, I am sorry for the loss of your friend and client. We always miss and grieve for folks we loved or cared about in this life. It is obvious you cared about this man and I'm sure your call was comforting to his wife.
Death is inevitable like you said in your post. Not to be feared but accepted that one day you will re-unite with your loved ones where there will be no more sickness, tears, or pain.
Have you read The Shack?
It has been on the best sellers list for many months. I gave it to each of my kids at Christmas as it was a life changing book for me. Also sent to TLW when she was recovering from her 1st surgery. If you have not, I would love to send it to you as I bought 12 copies to keep on hand.
Shoot me an email and let me know.
Sardi - make the moments count with those you love and with those that love you (they aren't always the same). Life intrudes, sometimes, and makes us forget about truly living, or perhaps that would be living truly. I have reminders all time of people leaving, some younger, some older. Yet still sometimes I feel I have infinite time ahead of me to get it right. Sometimes we need to get kicked in the head to remind us what has meaning.
Bro,
Sorry for the loss...as you know I've been dealing with sickness in my family so figuring out priorities can become confusing at times...I'm sure you'll sort out everything later...thanks for you guys calling me.
Sardi - My mother-in-law passed away yesterday morning. Thankfully, my wife was able to be there when she left this world.
You're right - live your life NOW! It reminds me of the John Lennon lyric, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
In the past decade, I lost my grandfather, both grandmothers, my father, one of my best friends, and now my mother-in-law. I have certainly had ample reminders on this topic.
By the way, Missy's suggestion about "The Shack" is a good one - I loved that book.
Jason, I've had three close friends who died young. They were all people who had amazing lives, not to mention fabulous funerals to celebrate them. And yeah, it's about making every day count for something. So big hug!
It's difficult to balance the life that we want to live with the necessities that afford us the ability to do so. I have learned not to take anything for granted though. I haven't truly learned balance just yet, but I consider myself a work in progress. I'm sorry to hear of your recent reminders my friend.
Jason, this was beautiful! We just never know, do we? How we live now forever attaches to our name. I lost a very young friend/client Christmas 2007, and I still can't drive by one of her properties without remembering the vibrant, energetic lady she was. All of us probably have someone in our lives we consider a loss when they pass. I just pray that I will live in such a way that a loss will be felt by those I love and know. ;-)
Jason - I'm sorry to hear about your friend / client, or client / friend. Yes, death is life and life is death... but ... (not to be the downer in the room)... keep your eyes open.
I've found that when the universe speaks (and it speaks with a big booming voice).. it generally speaks in "threes".
Jason, There have been a number of very unexpected losses lately in my life as well...some in my community, some family friends. It seems so hard sometimes to understand the almost random and sudden deaths, especially when they are more my/our age and without any warning. I am so sorry for your friend/clients family.
As my wise old grandmother said, "Live is a journey, not an end. Enjoy the journey." To which I have added over the years, "And take lots of pictures."
Jason: So sorry to hear about the loss of your client and friend. Somehow we are just never prepared for such a loss. All we can do is continue to love those we care about... and be there for them while they are here with us. Take care... huggs to you, and to Ms Monroe, too...